The Benefits of Being Alone After a Breakup

Rather than rushing to fight against the pain, try to embrace it and take the time to heal and focus on self-discovery.

Jan 5, 2019

In romantic relationships, two people in love who can’t get enough of each other tend to spend a lot of time with each other. They depend on the other person for many things, for company and companionship to emotional support. Love can bring a great sense of joy in our lives, but when it ends, it can have devastating results.

Going through a breakup, whether it ended on good terms, through a one-sided rejection, or tragically, can have traumatic effects on our physical and mental well-being. A breakup can feel like losing a best friend and leave a huge void in someone’s life. Without the presence of that person around, you are left alone with yourself.

Af first, it might feel like the world turns upside down. A lot of emotions can run through the mind when dealing with the loss of love. Thoughts can wander to dark places mourning the loss of beautiful memories, dealing with the pain of loss and rejection, rebuilding a life on your own without that person. Many people feel uncomfortable spending too much time alone, especially after a breakup. Coming home to a quiet house or sleeping in an empty bed can feel lonely and difficult. Painful thoughts come to the surface. Rejection and hurt can prevent people from opening up again to meet new people.

Still, most of us at one time or another will find themselves in such a situation, alone, and forced to face the truth within themselves. At first, we might try to fill the void by quickly jumping into another relationship for the wrong reasons or by escaping the pain through distracting ourselves or destructive behaviors.

On the other hand, when looking at the glass half full, a breakup opens up the tremendous opportunity to grow and rediscover ourselves. We regain our sense of independence and learn the strength we have inside. Rather than rushing to fight against the pain, try to embrace it and take the time to heal and focus on self-discovery.

Solitude can lead to self-discovery and healing.

Understanding the source of painful emotions that come up after a breakup can help us better understand ourselves. Chances are you have changed from this relationship, and this time alone will give you a chance to discover that growth. Some of the other feelings that arise might not even relate to the relationship directly either. Observing the internal issues within ourselves reveals where we still need to heal and grow as a person. You can do so through writing, self-reflection, talking to friends, or even by meeting with a therapist.

Spending time alone with thoughts can build spiritual depth and calmness.

Often times a breakup forces you to spend more time alone. But spending time by yourself doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, many spiritual practices actually encourage spending time alone with your thoughts to cultivate inner peace. You can try guided meditation practices found online, join a group class in your community, or simply set aside a little quiet time to quiet the mind, Meditation practices such as these have many added benefits such as reducing stress, easing anxiety, and increasing self-awareness.

Breakups open up more time to devote to yourself.

Relationships require a lot of time and energy to maintain. After a breakup, you will likely find a lot more for yourself making it the perfect opportunity to do more of something you already love or to try something new. Whether you want to spend more time working out or finally try out that art class, now is the chance to do more things for yourself.

On your own, you gain more independence and freedom.

Especially when in a serious relationship or marriage, life decisions are made as a couple. After a breakup, you can make decisions more independently. Maybe you wanted to move to a new city or sell the house and downsize. The decision is all yours!

By releasing someone from your life, doors open to meet someone new.

Most people have a difficult time walking away from a relationship, even when staying together no longer makes either person happy. When a toxic relationship ends, so too does the cycle of pain and negativity. You really might be better off alone after all. So by ending that relationship, you open up space in your life to attract someone new and better suited for you as a companion.

You will walk away stronger and wiser.

Coping with a breakup in a positive way, you can walk away with valuable lessons that help guide you in future relationships. Hindsight can make it easier to recognize the mistakes you made or the things about your previous partner that you didn’t find compatible with your own values. We can look back and realize the reasons this relationship didn’t work out.

While it requires a lot of resilience, patience, and bravery to face the pain inside, spending time alone to heal after a breakup can provide the opportunity to learn valuable lessons that we wouldn’t have learned otherwise.

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ALLISON MICHELLE DIENSTMAN, CONTRIBUTOR
Working from her laptop as a freelance writer, Allison lives as a digital nomad, exploring the world while sharing positivity and laughter. She is a lover of language, travel, music, and creativity with a degree in Chinese language and literature.

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