Cracking the Code of Instant Connection

How to determine if you’ve found your soul tie.



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There is now a word for that feeling of love at first sight. Beyond just romance, the term “soul tie,” encapsulates the instant recognition and profound familiarity experienced upon meeting someone new and developing an instant connection. What is a soul tie and how does one know when they’ve met their “soul tie”?

What is a soul tie?
Heather Shannon, a licensed counselor, tells Women’s Health that, “A soul tie is a spiritual connection where it feels like you've known someone before. There's a pre-existing connection between the two souls. Chances are you've met someone and felt an instant recognition – the connection was there right away. That's a soul tie.”

Soul ties can refer to both romantic and non-romantic connections, according to Women’s Health. A friend or a coworker can also be a soul tie. And, although the concept is similar to soulmates, and twin flames, it’s not exactly the same relationship. 

John Ryan De Oca, a relationship coach, tells Brides, “A soulmate is a kind of soul tie, and a twin flame is a kind of soul tie,” he explains. “These are [all] spiritual agreements that we were going to meet in this world to do some kind of work, though we don’t always know what that work is going to look like.” 

Soul ties aren’t a new concept (the name is lifted from the Bible where it talks about souls being “knit together”), but Brides explains that the expression has become commonplace among the younger generation and on social media.

Megan Weks, a relationship expert, explains why she thinks GenZ is gravitating towards these concepts. “The human mind consciously and unconsciously strives for feelings of safety and meaning by gravitating toward constructs that give shape and perceived understanding,” Weks shares. “Younger generations are turning to spiritual concepts to find that meaning in their lives.” 

De Oca agrees. “Socially, we’re at a point of spiritual awakening,” he tells Brides. “COVID [has made us realize] how connected we all are.”

Signs of a soul tie
People can connect with many different individuals and develop deep and intense friendships and relationships over the course of a lifetime. So, how can it be determined if a person is one’s soul tie or not?

Shannon tells Women’s Health that one telltale sign is that a person feels instantly comfortable around their soul tie, even when meeting for the first time. “You feel oddly comfortable around someone and can't quite put your finger on why,” Shannon tells Women’s

Health. She adds that affection can be another sign of a soul tie. “You may find yourself physically drawn to them and more affectionate than usual,” Shannon shares.

Another sign, Leah Caracappa, a social work therapist, educator, and spiritual coach, says that, “You speak the same language. They just get you, and the connection can feel seamless.” 

Soul tie red flags
Although soul ties are often beneficial and allow individuals to open up, be honest, feel comfortable, and build a tight bond, there are some red flags to watch out for, according to Brides. The deep bond experienced when someone meets a soul tie, can be distracting. People can overlook relationship warning signs when falling head over heels for a soul tie. Additionally, De Oca tells Brides, soul ties can divert one from their own personal growth.  “When we’re too focused on someone else, we’re running from ourselves,”

For these reasons, relationship expert Megan Weks suggests keeping one’s personal goals in sight at all times. “Keep your boundaries and standards high for who you allow in your life,” Weks says. 

“If they aren’t working toward a common goal that feels good to you or they are actually taking away from a goal you have for yourself, it’s a sign to stop engaging. Keep this in mind: Healthy relationships should, for the most part, offer peace in our lives—not confusion, fear, and instability.” 

At the end of the day, soul ties can be intensely powerful and positive relationships, as long as one is cognizant enough to maintain boundaries and remain focused on mutual goals and growth. After all, De Oca explains, “These relationships are here to cause growth. Any kind of soul tie is causing you to grow.”

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