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From the moment a child takes their first breaths until long after they leave the nest, a parent’s relationship with their child matters. Any age and any stage is an opportunity to foster bonds that last a lifetime.
Whether the child is four or forty-four, these seven tips can help parents build a connection that lasts a lifetime.
Respect Your Child’s Autonomy
Allowing kids to make their own decisions — and their own mistakes — is key to building strong relationships with one’s child, reports CNBC. Even very young children can choose their own hobbies, clothing, and food. Ask your child what they think and let them answer. Celebrate their choices, even when they are different from yours.
This holds true even more so once children reach adulthood, According to a blog on Psychology Today. Once kids grow up, parents should remember not to treat them as children anymore. Avoid being overbearing and overly critical, and resist the urge to offer unsolicited advice. Your child is now an adult, with their own opinions, insights, life experiences, responsibilities, and values of their own. By recognizing their autonomy, you leave the door open to building a connection based on trust and respect.
Set Limits
Be friendly with your young children, but don’t be a friend, cautions the A Fine Parent website. Parents must set age-appropriate limits and boundaries and enforce house rules. When it comes to raising children, it is more important to protect your children than to be liked by them. Create a safe and structured environment and the relationship will follow.
This dynamic can shift when dealing with adult children, according to Psychology Today. Correcting and micro-managing the behavior of a grown child is less appropriate. Let your children make their own mistakes and ask if they want your input before offering advice, as your child may confuse advice for criticism.
Do Not Enforce Rules too Harshly
Setting limits is helpful, but being harsh and controlling is not, according to CNBC. Listen to your child. Laugh with your child. Be supportive, and work to build trust. Overly strict enforcement of rules and boundaries often backfires as it creates an environment of fear. This environment not only erodes a parent’s relationship with their child, it also encourages children to hide their behavior from parents.
When it comes to adult children, Psychology Today shares that disagreements need to be resolved respectfully and not draconically. Communicate and listen to your adult children' s perspectives and thoughts, even when you disagree, and talk through issues in a respectful way.
Listen to your Child’s Thoughts and Feelings
Let your children know that their feelings matter and encourage them to share them with you. Instead of dismissing them with phrases like, “You are fine,” acknowledge how they are feeling by saying things like, “That sounds frustrating,” explains CNBC.
Even when you can’t fix your child’s problems, you can let them know they are heard and understood. And when your child is wrong, instead of shutting them down, ask how they came to that conclusion.
Apologize for Mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Model for children that you can own up to mistakes and rebuild relationships by displaying this behavior yourself. When you make a relationship misstep, say you are sorry and admit to your mistake.
This advice holds true at any age, explains Psychology Today. It’s never too late to apologize for parenting mistakes made in the past and pledge to building a stronger, healthier relationship in the future.
Make Time for Your Child
A Fine Parent highlights the need to spend quality time with children. You can spend time with children of any age — young or old — by creating creative rituals for birthdays and holidays. Surprise your children with gifts and notes. This will build them up and help them to feel positive and happy.
Making time for adult children is just as important as it is with young children, according to Psychology Today. Call and text your grown children, meet them for lunch, or spend time doing a shared hobby with them.
Make Time for Yourself
As important as it is to invest in relationships with your children, those relationships will flourish even readily when you also invest in your own life. Take time to pursue your own hobbies, friendships, and interests. Give your child and yourself the space that both of you need to develop as individuals.
According to A Fine Parent, investing in your own friendships can help you develop your relationships with your child. It takes a village to raise a child and your close friends can support your children and be there for them as well. Just don’t forget to reciprocate and be there for your friends’ children too.
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