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By Jill Suttie
Lately, I’ve been avoiding phone calls and texting people more than I used to. I might prefer to pick up a phone, but then I think calling someone will interrupt their day and be an unwelcome intrusion.
But, as a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found, we often overestimate how awkward a phone call will be and underestimate how much closer we’ll feel to someone if we call them versus text them — even if we prefer texting. Though texting has become the norm for many of us, it may not give us the same interpersonal benefits or alleviate loneliness as well as talking on the phone does.
The Many Benefits of Calling
But even for those who prefer texting, calling may be a better way to strengthen our social bonds. One reason is that our voices communicate our emotions to other people in a way texting can’t — which is an important part of intimacy. According to a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior, hearing the voice of someone you know can reduce stress and stimulate the release of oxytocin — the “tend and befriend” hormone that increases warmth and trust between people.
Calling may also beat out texting when it comes to avoiding misunderstandings. In one study, about 300 friends and romantic partners (ages 16 to 57) were asked to find texts they’d received that had caused miscommunication and describe why they’d had issues. They reported problems around understanding the feelings expressed behind the texts, including the lack of verbal cues that might help them understand the sender’s emotional state (eg, tone of voice) and not being able to tell if they had someone’s full attention (ie, wondering if their texting partner could be multitasking).
Another issue raised was the brevity of texts, which can lack contextual information that aids in understanding. The use of acronyms, word abbreviations, and poor (or no) punctuation also made some texts hard to interpret, which could easily cause problems in a relationship.
Similarly, sending a text to someone and not getting a prompt response could create uncertainty, as the reason for the delay is unclear — it could signal anger, confusion, or rejection; or it could simply mean they have not seen your text yet or need more time to respond. The immediacy of a phone conversation is much less likely to cause such problems, as you can interpret someone’s feelings from their vocal tone, clear up ambiguities, and get an immediate response.
Still, many of us prefer texting because we can feel more in control of the conversation and can take time to think about what we want to say, especially when it comes to tricky subjects. This could be a mistake with unintended consequences.
For example, in one study in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, researchers found that when romantic partners used texts to communicate about serious issues, broach difficult topics, or apologize, their future in-person interactions became more fraught and conflictual. Only expressing affection via texts had a positive effect on future interactions.
Texting Still Has Its Plusses
None of this research is meant to imply that texting is always a poor choice for communicating. Reaching out to someone via text makes sense in many cases, such as when you’re in different time zones and can’t find a mutually convenient time to talk — especially if the alternative is not communicating at all. Or if you have problems speaking or any kind of hearing loss, texting could be an important lifeline for staying connected.
Of course, texting really shines when it comes to conveying perfunctory information to someone quickly — like when confirming an upcoming meeting with your boss or letting someone know you’ll be late to dinner.
Texting may also be preferable depending on how anxious you are. At least one study in CyberPsychology & Behavior found that while feeling lonely makes a phone call more rewarding for you, texting may be easier and more rewarding if you have high social anxiety. Making a call can feel more intimate or awkward than texting for a socially anxious person, and reaching out via text might be a less risky first step toward further connection with someone.
And then there are some of us who are just not used to talking on the phone, particularly young people who’ve grown up in a texting culture. Still, according to a study in Youth & Society, there are indications that they, too, recognize that calling may be better with certain people or in certain circumstances. At least some parents are questioning the value of texting for their younger children and encouraging them to call rather than text.
So, why not consider picking up a phone and making a call a little more often? You might surprise yourself by how much better it feels to talk than to text. And your relationships might become even closer and more intimate, too.
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This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Click here to read the original article.
