What to Say When You Talk to Yourself

Everyone talks to themselves at least some of the time. Much of it is regular stuff, like finding your car keys, or to grumble to yourself about forgetting your umbrella. But self-talk matters.

If you are stressed, or extremely busy there could be a tendency to engage in negative self-talk and start putting yourself down. This can have a huge impact on your life, according to Forbes. If your self-talk is negative, you could start to believe it. How you talk to yourself is an important indicator of your success or failure. Here are some tips on how to turn your self-talk around.

Be aware of what you are saying
Listen to what you are saying. You may not even be aware that you are putting yourself down. If you keep telling yourself that you’re not smart enough for a job, or to get into college, you could be setting yourself up for a fall.  

You need to be aware of this and tell yourself that negative self-talk is not helpful. When you are fully aware of what you are saying, you can challenge these negative thoughts. Clinical psychologist Steven Hayes, Ph.D. told Forbes to think of these negative comments as, “unruly passengers in the backseat of the car you’re driving. You hear the noise and ruckus behind you, but you keep your attention focused on the road ahead.”

Stop and rethink
When you are aware of what you are saying, you can stop and rethink your conversation with yourself. In research conducted by Kamal Chopra at the University of Lethbridge, students learned to stop saying negative words. First, they identified the negative self-talk, and then they had to reframe it into positive self-talk. They used words like can and do saying, “next time I can do it better,” and I am or I will, saying, “I am intelligent,” or “I will write an awesome cover letter.”

Take the I and me out of the conversation
Talking to yourself in second person (you) is better than first person (I), according to a blog on the education resource site InnerDrive. Saying “you can do this” is more effective than saying ‘I can do this.”

Researchers from The University of Michigan told the participants that they would have to give a public speech in front of judges to win an ideal position. Half of the participants were told to talk to themselves in the first person and the other half were told to say you or their name. The results of the study showed that the participants who said you or their name felt more confident and less stressed.

Give yourself instructions
Let self-talk help you by giving yourself instructions, according to the blog. This is commonly used by athletes. It could also be used by teachers to help their students improve self-control and to be better prepared to learn. Telling yourself what to do is an effective way to self-talk, especially if you do so in an encouraging and upbeat manner.