How to Calmly Back to School Shop With Your Teen
It’s back to school season. And that means shopping for school supplies and new clothing. Unless your tween or teen wears a school uniform, it means balancing your child’s desire for trending fashion with your family’s budget. But it doesn’t have to be a battle.
Before you take your child shopping and engage in a battle of wills, you should understand why trends are so important and why saying no should not be just about economics, according to Parents. Being prepared is the key to calm shopping.
Why Trends Matter
When parents approach back to school shopping, they see dollar signs, but tweens and teens see something different.
“What parents need to understand is that back-to-school shopping isn’t just about function — it’s about identity, “ Caitlin Slavens, a psychologist, parenting expert, and clinic director at Couples to Cradles Counseling told Parents. “For tweens and teens, what they wear says who they are, or at least who they’re trying to be.”
While parents may think that their kids’ desires are not practical or over the top, they don’t understand that the motivation is to fit in. That their wish list is essential for their well-being.
“We evolved as social beings who require belonging to thrive,” said Jeannine Jannot, Ph.D., a Roswell, Georgia-based developmental psychologist. “To be left out or, worse, ostracized from the tribe was a threat to one’s safety and very survival. It feels the same for today’s young people who use their inclusion in peer groups to help form their identity and keep them (socially) safe.”
Have the Discussion
The time to talk about budgets and expectations should be before you shop. You can balance your budget and your child’s wish list. Begin by asking why your child wants a certain item.
“Is it about comfort? Durability? Fitting in? Aesthetics? If the answer is “everyone has it,” that’s a valid need in the tween and teen years, explained Slaven.”
Once the motivation is clear you can validate your child’s feelings and work on a plan together. You can try to help your child find a more affordable option for what they want.
Discuss whether you can find it online cheaper, according to Real Simple. Is it available at a thrift shop? Do you have a coupon? Or can your child help fund the purchases by using money they earn themselves?
You can minimize your back-to-school shopping now, by buying what they need immediately like shoes and lighter weight clothing. Put off shopping for a few weeks to purchase jeans, sweatshirts, and winter coats. It is likely that the clothing will be on sale in October to make room for holiday wear.
While saying no to a child is never easy, and it can be frustrating for both you and your child, sometimes it is necessary.
“Children need to experience challenges, setbacks, and disappointments to build their resiliency and independence,” Jannot told Parents. But at the same time, make sure that your child has a say in their clothing choices so that they can still fit in at school.
